despair is criminal: April 2009

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Multimedia message

To warm weather, warm people and warm hearts.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Monday, April 13, 2009

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Friday, April 10, 2009

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

A month ago, I decided that with the upcoming birthday in sight I wanted a change. An easy, but significant one. I wanted to change my name. Its something that I have been contemplating for a year or so. I get so bored with many other aspects of mundane life, and I having the same name for 22 years is not any different. Originally I told my best friend that I wanted to change my name to Briar Davenport last year. It became a running joke, only because it was so unbelievable. After a few laughs, I was still Jimmy.

I really didn't want to be Jimmy. I don't feel like a Jimmy. That's when it hit me. I could be James. I mean, I am James; I have been all along. Its my birth name, I just never went by it.

Now, its always a bit easier to change your name when you are going through a big life change, like moving to a new town. I unfortunately was still "Jimmy" when I first moved here, and I am not contemplating leaving the city.

So I first decided to implicate the name change at work. And why not? It is where I spend the majority of my time. I just began telling people in person about the change. Some embraced it, but many were confused. I learned that even I was confused. Its hard to even get yourself in a routine of thinking as a new name, and responding to it.

As time has moved on, James has become pretty common at work. People are transitioning into it. It has manifested itself into other names such as Jimmy James, James Michael or JM.

James rolls off the tongue a little nicer. Sounds a bit more professional. James has a higher level of expectation.

I changed my name to James.

F Train Blues

I have learned over time that I am quite the impatient person. I'm not sure what drives it, but I can't handle waiting. For instance right now I'm at the platform waiting for the F train. Pacing. What gets to me more is that I saw it leaving right as I was coming down the platform stairs.

This is not good. My mind hones in on what if. What if I had just left work a few moments sooner? What if I had just walked a bit faster. Pacing. An F train arrives at the uptown track. Pacing. A V train comes down the track. This may be the most frustrating of all. I find the V train to be for the most part useless. I wait.

And then I hear another train. Its the express D train. After all the pacing and waiting, I can do nothing else but get on. Let me note that it in no way takes me to my apartment. But its fast. And I get to stop waiting. I feel in control again.

Nevermind the transfers ill have to make to other trains to get to my neighborhood. Nevermind. Its a quick fix

Neighborhood Expansion

I have been tracking the progress of the contrusction happening down the street for the past six months or so, and about a week ago all the scaffolding came down and this is what stood there. Now I am all for new construction and redevolpment but there is something about having new glass facade buildings that I don't particularly wecome. First, it throws off the look of the entire area. In the 10 block radius of my apt it is all brownstones. Except now we will have this shiny glass mecca raising up into the sky. And two, ill just be waiting for a rise in my rent.

Post Script

I don't believe that I ever wrote the obligatory inaugaural post for this blog. There are a lot of things that led up to me deciding to start a blog(again).
The most obvious is my recent purchase of a new phone. Last week I believe that I moved up a few notches in the technological world with the purchase of my blackberry curve. It has become my new best friend( to the annoyance of my best friend). There is an endless list of great features of the phone (one being the Pandora for Blackberry app that I cannot sing enough praise about), but the fact that I can update my blog seamlessly throughout the day is an ideal pro.
I also had a birthday, and decided that I needed to find an immediate outlet, no matter how trivial, to get my thoughts out. The past few months, I have really been living most of my life both physically and mentally at my job. I'm learning that the only way to keep myself at a high enjoyment of life is to balance my work and personal life out.
The name, Despair is Criminal, came from a fortune cookie I read a few months back. I had fallen into a rut, and while eating chinese one evening I read the fortune. I think it sums up the direction I am taking my life in, as well as the point of me writing all of this. My goal is to try to not become too self aware with the fact that this blog is public while writing in it (not that I am insenuating that anyone will even read it), as this has been the reason for demise of any previous blog I have begun.

There are no rules. And no expectations. This just an outlet for me, James.

Iowa Senator Gronstal

April 7

The first signs of spring are arriving! I spotted this on my way to the gym. Yes, the gym. And let me tell you, this chonga is out of shape. Anyone want to be my personal trainer?