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-----Original Message-----
From: jimmymsmith@gmail.com
Date: Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:48:28
To: Alexander Mercado<alexandermercado1@gmail.com>
Shocked. I'm in shock. Broken. Defeated.
"I'm not in love with you anymore"
He was crying. He never cries. I couldn't muster up any reaction. No reaction but shock.
Up until three, sobbing. Entirely broken. Because I did it again. I put all of my trust in someone again. I fell in love again.
And I got comfortable again. And I got needy again. And clingy again. I thought it was forever again. And I went crazy again. And pushed him away again.
I felt whole again. I had a rock. I could lean on him. And now its vanished.
I'm coming back to a New York that will be a little more lonely than I left it. There won't be anymore nights watching all the shows we tivoed and eating chinese takeout. He won't be waiting outside my job when I get off anymore. I won't get to hear his mysterious voice whisper in my ear "I love you more". I won't get to wrap my arms around him while we sleep in the tiniest room in all of New York. We can't plan that romantic trip to Paris or look at apartments to move into.
We won't be able to get into a big fight, and moments later feel like we're falling in love all over again.
Now it will just be me. I'll be watching television eating chinese. Ill leave work and take the F train home. I'll sleep in the tiniest room in all of New York. Ill do it all alone. And I'll have to work on getting this huge knot out of my stomach. Alone.
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Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Rock Rock Rockaway
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